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Now stand again with your arms out and start thinking negative
things about yourself. "I'll never get a job. My wife hates me." Ask
this person to push your arm down again. If you're focusing on negative thoughts,
they should be able to push it down with little or no effort, even while you try to
prevent it. Your mind is very powerful and it is one of the few things in your life
you really have control over.
The first time I saw
this done in a lecture in college, I didn't believe it. Then I tried it. I was
amazed and it taught me a very valuable lesson. The power of positive thinking.
How is it, a peasant in the streets of Calcutta with no material possessions can be
filled with a joy for life and be content, while someone born of privilege with every
advantage in the world will take their own life? The man in Calcutta appreciates
what he has now and doesn't dwell on what he doesn't have. He chooses to be happy,
no matter what. If your unemployed and frightened about what might happen, what if...this
is a crucial tool to surviving and thriving. Make a vow to yourself right now.
Say, "No matter what happens, I am happy and will stay happy. I will not
let forces outside of myself control me or determine who I am."
Become
the Master of Your Domain
Seinfeld aside, there is only one thing
in this world that you can completely control and that is you. You are the master of your
personal domain. You cannot control other people and they cannot hurt you mentally
unless you choose to allow them to do this. You cannot control places, if you could
you'd control earthquakes, the weather and the effect others have on those places.
Finally, you cannot control things or events. You can anticipate them, plan for them
and affect them, but you'll never control them.
Your thoughts, your
actions, your beliefs, these are the only things you are accountable for and the only
things that you can completely control or change. It's your choice and the power belongs
only to you. You can choose to be happy, hopeful and confident or you can choose to
wallow in fear, worry and regret. So which will it be? Which will help you get
to the end of this challenge faster? How will you master your domain?
Focus
on today
This very simple trick has saved my sanity and given me the ability to go on,
regardless of my fears.
It works like this .
Ask yourself:
Do I have a roof over
my head today?
Do I have food in the
cupboard today?
Is my electricity
still on today?
Is my car still
parked in the drive?
If you answered yes to
any or all of these questions, take a deep breath. Relax. Today you are okay. You can't worry about
what will happen tomorrow. You could win the lottery or you could be dead. It's
an unknown and outside of your control at this moment. It's in the future and you'll
deal with that when it occurs. But today, you are okay. Chances are tomorrow
you will be okay. If you are worried about what might happen in two weeks or two
months, you're wasting energy on supposition.
Every time you begin to
future trip, start asking yourself 'Today' questions. Entrepreneurs do this a lot.
At times, when you don't know where the money is going to come from, today questions will
help you appreciate what you have, calm you and prevent you from freaking out about things
that in most cases, will never happen. And if they do, you'll survive.
Define
your fears
They say money is the
root of all evil.
Few would disagree given
money denotes greed and
greed makes men do
things that are not in
his or her and society's
best interest. However,
fear is a close runner
up and often this fear
is disguised as hate
when directed at others,
or as self-doubt when
directed within.
Why do we hate? We
hate what we do not
know, what we fear.
Fear stems from two
catalysts. Natural fear
is a survival tool.
It keeps you from
walking into dark alleys
where you may be
attacked or from
engaging in activities
that can harm or kill
you. This type of
fear is healthy and
transitory. It
shows up when it's
needed and disappears
once the threat is gone.
The second type of fear
rests on the unknown,
basically ignorance.
Fear grounded in
ignorance is a tool of
manipulation whether
intentional or not.
Ignorant fear is how
politicians coax nations
into war, convince you
to relinquish your
freedom or distrust
others by circumstance.
Advertisers and
marketers use it
effectively to convince
you to purchase their
products and services.
This fear produces
stress, anxiety and can
paralyze you.
Fortunately, it's also
easily dismissed, though
most people never take
the necessary step of
freeing themselves from
this fear: asking
questions.
The key to eradicating
the second type of fear
is educating yourself
and challenging the
accepted wisdom on any
issue or circumstance
that is causing you
anxiety, doubt, fear or
anger (hate) toward
another or situation.
The first step to
eliminating these fears
is defining what they
are.
The
following is old salesperson's trick that helps overcome fears about cold calling
and negotiations. It works even better in personal situations.
It goes like this.
Begin asking yourself:
What are you
afraid of? Make a list of your fears. Is it losing your home? Losing your credit rating? Losing your
family's respect? Not finding a job? Write them down. Once
you've identified your
fears, (this exercise
may take you several
days), define those
fears. Defining
your fears means playing
out the worst case
scenario. In
truth, it is the
experience or
possibility that you are
actually afraid of.
What is the worst case
scenario?
Let's take "Can't pay your bills". Worst case scenario:
bankruptcy, repo, loss of services, homelessness.
Now, diffuse your
fears by realistically looking at possible outcomes
Granted, this will make life a little uncomfortable for a
couple years, but it's not the end of the world. The way the credit industry is set up,
you basically pay the same penalty for a two 30 or 60 day late payments as you do
for a bankruptcy. The worst thing that will happen, you won't be able to get a
credit card or line of credit for a year or two unless it's secured. And all those
things you need credit cards for? With check cards, you don't need one anymore.
If you have some credit problems or bankruptcy and you'll have to pay a higher interest on
your next car, sure. Maybe you should just live with the cars you have for the next
several years. You'll still be able to get a home, student loans, a job (people
understand credit problems due to unemployment), health care and a multitude of other
things; you'll just have to pay a higher interest rate or deposit. Thousands of
people declare bankruptcy every year and many will tell you it's the best action they
every took. Thousands lose their cars to repo men. There
is public transportation and in most cases you can get a decent
basic used car for around $1,000. Yes, it's not fun.
But given the worst case scenario, is it really that scary?
Credit problems do not make you a bad person or a bad financial risk; they just make life
a little more interesting for a couple years and you a little wiser about how you spend.
Just remember, credit problems will not kill you. They are not life-threatening. Be
honest; the fallout from credit issues is simply uncomfortable.
Losing
your home is scary.
If you're a renter,
you're vulnerable.
At least as a homeowner
you can generally stay
in the home until it is
foreclosed on and
auctions, giving you
another one to three
years. Renters
typically have
thirty-days or less and
they're on the street.
This is the one
place where you need to play the "What if" game in order to have a
contingency plan. It will give you peace of mind and enable
you to focus on the present rather than worrying.
If you have a family,
no doubt you've made arrangements for your children's care should you and your spouse die.
Do the same now in the event you lose your home. Are there relatives or
friends your children can stay with temporarily until you get back on your feet if this
happens? Are you and your spouse in agreement about what to do if this should
happen? These are issues that need to be discussed in the beginning when you first
lose your job and are thinking clearly, not when the panic sets in and you are desperate.
Do the
research and you'll find
you have many options.
Knowledge is power.
Get the knowledge and
take back your power.
When you take back your
power and have a plan,
the fear disappears.
By being proactive and
having a plan, you also
drastically reduce the
possibility that your
fears become
self-fulfilling
prophecy.
Use this Time to Grow
The best way to keep your spirits up when unemployed is to
engage your mind in something that interests or challenges you. Being home, you'll
become very familiar with daytime TV and all the bladder control problems people must
have, at least based upon the commercials. Within a week, you'll probably be bored
stiff. Now is the time to do all those things you said you'd do one day if you ever
had the time. Guess what? You now have the time. Here are some suggestions that just
might uncover a talent you didn't know you had.
Write a book for your
children
It doesn't matter what age they are and it can be fiction or non-fiction.
Do you have a teenager you'd love to tell about your experiences at his/her age,
but never seem to find the time?
Write a book about
it and give it to him or her for his/her birthday.
What about your husband? Take a crack at writing an
erotic short story and surprise him one night.
Learn a new skill
Become autodidactic (self-taught). Teach yourself a new computer
program, how to draw, play the guitar, arrange flowers or make jewelry. Learn how to
cook Indian food or another cuisine. What about photography? Write a business plan,
research a new product. Now's the time to learn and you just might discover a new
career.
Start a health and
fitness program
How many times have you used the excuse you didn't have enough time
to exercise? You have the time.
Volunteer at your local
school or shelter
This is your opportunity to give to those less fortunate or help
children help themselves (and make 'them' notice you). Pick a cause you're interested in and volunteer some time.
Be careful if you're receiving unemployment and
volunteering. The state considers this "work" and will
disqualify you in most cases.
Study your religion
Be honest. How many Christians have
read the entire Bible? And those of you in the Jewish
faith? What about the Torah and Talmud? It's funny,
most of us call ourselves Christian, Jewish or Muslim and
few of us have read and studied the entire works, which
represent our beliefs or those of our sister faiths.
If we have, it was in our
youth, several decades ago. If you can't remember calculus
after 20 years, do you really remember what John. 3:16 means?
If you're Christian and you can't answer this, you might
want to hit the Bible again beginning with the New Testament. This passage is the
foundation of our faith and the New Testament covers what
Christianity is all
about.
Maybe you
can quote chapter and
verse for your faith.
How well do you
understand the other two
faiths that share the
same God, or some of the
polytheistic faiths
worldwide? So much fear
and hatred toward others
is based upon ignorance
today of the key
motivations that define
entire people and
faiths. Islam is
the latest whipping
post. In the past
Buddhism, Hindu,
Judaism, Catholicism,
Protestantism, Mormonism
and a whole host of
others have been the
feared and hated faith.
No faith is immune.
Taking
the time to understand
what motivates others,
why they believe what
they do and what their
religious books actually
say, (rather than the
propaganda cited or used
to instill fear and
distrust by those with
an agenda) will make you
a stronger more
compassionate person,
better leader, motivator
and employee. You
can only gain by taking
the time to study other
faiths. You'll be
surprised how much in
common we really have.
Seek out Inspirational
Stories
The best weapon you have against depression and a feeling of
helplessness during this period is your brain. Keep your thoughts positive.
Engage your mind in activity. Use this time to grow. Don't give up on
yourself and don't let your fears rule your future.
Watch the movies recommended
in our feature:
Top
Inspirational Films of All Time. (We need to add
Cinderella Man to this list along with We are Marshall).
On the
other hand, if you have
a tendency to feel sorry
for yourself, you
might want to watch some
films about real
tragedy. It's impossible to think you are in such horrible shape after seeing what real, life
threatening trouble and pure unemployment looks like in a movie like The Killing
Fields, Schindler's List and The Grapes of Wrath.
It's also impossible to
feel entitled to pity
once you realize what
other people must endure
to simply survive.
Documentaries including
In a
Soldier's Footsteps
about
child soldiers in Uganda;
Occupation 101
covering life for
Christians and Muslims
under the 60+ years of
Israeli occupation; or
Daryl Hannah's human
trafficking documentary,
an undercover expose
on human trafficking
worldwide will open your
eyes and stave off any
self pity. They might
even get you motivated
to do
something...another
bonus!
####
Use the
steps outlined in this
article if you start to
feel scared, unsure,
nervous, useless or any
other negative emotion
while unemployed.
You need your wits about
you. Negativity
keeps you chained in
fear and performing
below your potential.
People seem to sense it,
fear and desperation, so
it's in your best
interest to arrest both
by any means possible.
The fact
is, no matter how bad you think your life is right now,
millions are living far worse. Your situation right now is
temporary. This too shall pass and you will survive.
Use this time to
reinvent yourself, learn
and try new things.
Most importantly, keep
busy and don't dwell on
what if. Focus
rather on where you want
to be six months or a
year from now and the
steps you need to take
to get there. If
you need more ideas, the
article "When
your self-esteem is tied
to your job or income"
features 15 actions you
can take to wrestle away
negative self-esteem.
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